Monday, 1 February 2021

Creative Complaints

Complaining is seen as negative but with a little creativity it can be very amusing and somewhat satisfying. We started today's writing session with a letter to the editor with a minor concern that probably doesn't warrant writing a letter to the editor about. We then moved on to a letter of complaint to a company about a product or service we have experienced that was too successful or had some unintended consequence. Finally we wrote a letter of complaint to world leaders - so much to say and so little time!


DEAR EDITOR

I am distraught after recently riding a bus into town and failing to swipe on.  A gasp of fear was followed by nervous laughter, then hysterical cheering.  The Bee Card sensor was missing.  I scanned of course but instead of relaxing and checking out people's backyards, I had to spend my ride editing QR notes - times, bus stops, number of persons getting on, number of persons getting off, their gender, proximity to each passenger, and to the driver.  I didn't have enough time to sanitize!  

I cannot stress enough that a free trip is not worth the trauma, the devastation, of a ride without swiping on and off.  Come on ORC, you must have some spares sensors you can swap in!

Yours Kate Jenkins


DEAR MAINLAND

    Your cheese it is creamy and quick to delight

   but your TV adverts have caused quite a fright

    Two hoary old men with their corer in hand

    testing a block 'til there's naught left but sand

    I cannot report I enjoy eating cheese crumbs

    as I see each fine block consumed by the bums

    You sell only dregs while they eat up the best

    Come on Mainland, don't just give us the rest

    Your ads I observe are both scenic and lovely

    Just be sure you sell us good cheese in entirety


- Kate Jenkins



DEAR EDITOR

Just the other day I was happily strolling along ' Is it just me? ' street when my eyes were assaulted by a mural - a busy, virtually colourless, unbeautiful "painting" of gigantic proportions that was exceedingly hurtful to mine eyes.

This monstrosity seemed to serve no purpose but to irritate. And it did.

Where was the braided river...? the stretching plain...? the wood pigeon in her maroon/green waistcoat...?

Where were the flowers, the rata etc etc ?

I sign myself your most offended citizen/reader.

- Lucy Anne



DEAR DONALD

As a non-poetic president

Do you know what you've missed?

Justice and peace

are high on the list


Your light 

hidden by shadow

falling heavily 

upon the nation

you lead

astray.

- Lucy Anne



DEEPLY CONCERNED

I note in your article titled `Missing man found' (printed on 26/1/2021), that your first sentence did not end in a satisfactory manner, ie there was no full stop.  Now, while some may view this as a minor concern, I see it as an example of the decline in journalism, and the lack of care given to the work produced.  Surely even a simple grammar check would have picked this up!

- Christine



DEAR SIR/MADAM

Please find attached one large screw.  I found this in a can of your `Chunky Tomato Soup' - a very unexpected chunk as you can imagine!  I hope you can find where it goes, as I would hate for your machinery to fall apart due to this missing screw.

Yours

Christine




Today we feature one of our regular writers who has diligently written up the poems she has developed at the Artsenta Writer's Group ove...